How To Stop Being A Jerk

A rehab program for really great people

who were trained to behave like a jerk.

You are alive.

Seriously, we all can be jerks, more often than we care to admit. 

Specifically, this is for people who...

  • Wish they could stop behaviors that hurt themselves and others but don't know how.

  • Want to be seen as the good person they truly are.

  • Want to stop creating fear in others and instead... 

  • Want their kids, partner, family, friends, to actually feel good, have fun with them, and want to be around them.

  • Want to feel good about themselves---no shame or regrets about their behavior ever again.

  • Want to know how to be the kind of person other people respect, like, and enjoy being around.

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Hello, my name is Kelly, and I was trained to be a jerk.

Well, truly there are a few other choice words that might be more accurate than jerk, but let's keep it clean.

I struggled all my life feeling so deeply for other people, and always doing and saying things the wrong way, in ways that made it hard for other people to feel comfortable and enjoy being around me. It was so hard, because when you do a "jerky" thing, you get shame, not instruction. Because home is where you are supposed to get that instruction, but I had a home where everyone was acting like royal jerks, particularly towards me. So I didn't know how to behave.

As a result I have spent my whole life watching people, trying to figure out how to not be like my upbringing trained me to be.

I have two Master's degrees, one in Marriage and Family Therapy and the other in Family Recreation. I have decades of all kinds of trainings under my belt as well as years self-education, books, seminars, ANYTHING to help me. I found how to change behaviors, then I learned which behaviors to change, and finally, what to replace them with.

It was hard. I'm 50, and I finally feel like I get it. After a lifetime of searching for the right tools, and then learning how to use them, I like how I treat myself and others. But it took a long time. 

I don't want other people to struggle and be in pain for years, even decades, just because they don't have the right tools. I don't want anyone to suffer a single day longer because of the poor training they received in childhood. Most parents love their kids, but that doesn't mean they have a great skill set to pass on. 

That's what childhood is, a training ground. 

If you didn't get the right training for creating loving, safe, fun, happy interactions with other people, it's not your fault, you just didn't know how, because no one ever taught you how to do it. 

I have dedicated my life to helping people learn how to be their best selves, and it would be a privilege and an honor to help you.

So why am I talking about being a jerk?

Because the world shames the jerks, and it's wrong. Acting like a jerk is a behavior, not a person's true nature. So we need to talk about jerks. Because if we don’t, the world will never change.

 

Everyone knows someone who behaves like a jerk. Sometimes it's just once in a while, sometimes it's all the time.  No one likes them when they do that jerky thing they do, but still, they do it.  

 

Being a jerk hurts. It hurts the people, and it hurts the person who is being a jerk. Hurt people hurt people, and jerks have been hurt. So much so that they just lash out at others because they are so afraid of being hurt more.

 

So why do people do jerk behaviors? Because they were trained to and they don’t know how to stop.

 

Truly. Kids raised by people who are jerks aren’t given the training to deal with stress, to create happy relationships. They are trained to blame, defend, and lash out, with no other options.

 

And from day one, everyone shuns a jerk. Or is afraid of them. 

 

You know the moment, when you or someone says something that everyone is uncomfortable with, and everyone just looks down, away. There is no learning in that moment only shame. As a child, those moments of doing or saying the "wrong" then were punished, you were lectured about how bad it was, but no one showed you how to do it "right". 

 

 

 

No one asks to be trained to be a jerk, and we can’t change the past, but we can give anyone the tools to be different. 

 

Right here, right now, instead of shame and blame and anger and out of control emotions there is a simple, clear process that will give anyone who has been trained to be a jerk what they need to choose a different reaction, a different path, a different life.

 

A happy life.

A life where you aren't getting angry at others for not appreciating all you do, and then they, in turn, resent you for your anger. 

 

A life where others love being around you.

 

A life where emotions are controlled.

A life with sweet, safe, trusting relationships between you and those you love. 

This is what everyone wants, and what everyone deserves to have.

I have spent my life trying to figure this out.

 

And I have been able to do it, to heal myself, and my relationships. And the great thing is that these behaviors can be changed. I have tried to make this change as easy as possible for my clients because that's my job. I take what I've learned the hard way and make it as simple as possible for someone else to follow in my footsteps. After years of working on this process, I have found that there are 3 concepts that will change everything you do forever, that will rehabilitate all the bad behaviors you were taught. It isn't easy, but it is simple. I have created a course and priced it ridiculously low so that anyone can learn the foundation for letting go of all that negative training and learning how to finally behave like the good human you really are. 

"Kelly's work has helped me gain control of my emotions. I no longer feel angry or victimized by family. For the first time in my life, I am in a loving relationship."

Geo B. 69

"I can't say enough how much this work has changed my life. It is simple to understand but it takes hard work. It's worth it though. I am so much better at being in charge of my life and at having loving relationships. I actually have gone from being someone who is looking for an anchor to actually being the anchor during times of crisis. I never would have thought I could be so in charge of my emotions and be so respected and appreciated by the people I love."

Mary M. 45

I was able to stop behaviors that were sabotaging all my relationships. I didn't mean to hurt others, I just had so much I was sensitive to, so much I thought others were attacking or criticizing me. Doing this work took all of that away, and I can honestly say I'm behaving like a jerk any more. I am closer to the "Happy Human" I was meant to be than I have ever been before, and I keep getting better at humaning every day. 

Dan H. 54

I was yelling at my kids and freezing out my husband, not because I wanted to be a jerk, but because I didn't know how else to behave. I am so grateful I found this course. I believe learning these skills saved my marriage and my relationship with my kids. 

Tara B. 42

What Do I Get?

Immediate enrollment in

"Jerk Rehab." 

(I debated what to call this, but taking my cue from Alcoholics Anonymous, there is huge power in admitting the problem and claiming it. We'll discuss it more in the trainings.)

Jerk rehab consists of an online mini-course made up of videos introducing the three guiding principles for my work in Happy Human Rehab. I have used them for years with great success with my clients. In the trainings I lay out the thoughts and behaviors you will need to learn and implement in order to be the "Happy Human" you were born to be.

Access to monthly group coaching and support.

We are striving to build a community where we own the problem without shame so we can make the changes you need without shame holding you back. For us, there is no stigma around being a jerk. It is a problem to be solved, a behavior to be changed, never a judgment. ​

Meet Your Coach

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Kelly Marie Hoffman is a good human.

Learn More About Kelly

Do I Really Need This?

More Draw-In

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